Doggy Design Director

Your creative industries questions, answered by a studio dog.

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Anonymous asked: Harro Sprouto,

What are your views on the recent allegations that certain newspapers have been involved in phone hacking? Should professionals, such as yourself, have an entitlement to privacy? I realise this is a sensitive issue, due to your very public arrest back in the 90s, but your feedback would be most appreciated.

DISCLAIMER: Mr Sprout was later exonerated from any involvement with Divine Brown.

HARRO AGAIN ANONYMOUS
YOO BIN ASKIN A LOT OV KWESCHUNS LATELY, OR DUZ YOO HAZ LOTS OF FRENS WIV DE SAME NAME AS YOO…

WHY EVERYBODY SO INTERESTED IN MAH PRIVATE LYF ALL A SUDDEN THO? AMMA NICE DOGGEH, AH NEVVA DUN NO BAD THINGS NEVVA. SEPT MEBBE DOIN A VOM ON MUMS CARPET, OR LOOKIN AT CHARLOTTE FROM DE STUDIO IN A FUNNEH WAY…

WAI YOO NOT ASKIN ME BOUT FINGS LYK, “HEY, MISTAH SPROUT, AH LYK AKZIDENZ GROTESK, IS A NICE TYPEFACE, BUT WASSUP WIV DE KERNIN TABLES ON IT”, AN AH SAY “HARRO, AG IS DEAD NICE, BUT DE KERNIN PAIRS DON ALL SIT WELL AN YOO GOTTA FIX TONS OF DEM WHEN YOO USE IT”, OR, “MISTAH SPROUT, AH JUS GRADUATED FROM A SCOTTISH ART SCHOOL IN VIS COM AN TEH TUTORS DINT TEACH ME NUFFIN, WHAT DO?”

ANEEWAYS.

EVRYWUN GOT RIGHT TO PRIVACY AN PHONE HACKIN AINT RIGHT.
EVEN IF IT KINDA FUN SUMTYMS… 

WUF.

( DIVINE, EMAIL MEH… )

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Anonymous asked: yoo myt knot remembuh me. lhast year, in Khelvungrove Pahrk aht nyt? Ahnways, ahm pregnant ahnd its urs.

AH FEEL SORRIES FOR YOO, ALL KNOCKED UP WIV PUPPIES AN YOU DUNNO WHO TEH FAVVER IS. JUS COZ AM A SUCCESSFUL POOCH DUN MEAN YOU CAN COME ROUND MAI KENNEL CLAIMIN DEY MINE, COZ DEY AINT.

YA SEE, AH NEVVA BEEN WIV NO LADY DOG, AM SAVIN MASELF FOR TEH RIGHT ONE, SO DEM PUPPIES DEFFOZ AINT MINE.
AN YOO BETTA NOT TRY GETTIN ME ON NO JEREMY KYLES SHOW NEEVER, COZ YOO JUS GONNA LOOK STOOPID WHEN TEH DNA COME BACK SAYIN “YOOZ AINT TEH FAVVER”.

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AH HATES WURKIN FOR FRENZ AN FAMILEH. LIKE DIS, MAH STOOPID UNCLE SENTS MEH HIS FOTO FOR A DOGGEH DATIN SITE, AN SAYS “SPROUT, CAN YOO PHOTOSHOP DIS SO AM HANSUM LYK A ALSAYSHUN?” AM GUNNA BE HERES ALL DAY…

AH HATES WURKIN FOR FRENZ AN FAMILEH.

LIKE DIS, MAH STOOPID UNCLE SENTS MEH HIS FOTO FOR A DOGGEH DATIN SITE, AN SAYS “SPROUT, CAN YOO PHOTOSHOP DIS SO AM HANSUM LYK A ALSAYSHUN?”

AM GUNNA BE HERES ALL DAY…

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Anonymous asked: So sprout, you got your eyes on anyone then ;)

NOES, AH LET DEM GET DER EYES ON ME FIRST, DEN AH PICKS MA VICTIMS. AH AIN’T NO SUCKAH.

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Anonymous asked: Is modifying wordpress themes to suit clients cheating ?

HAI! WORDPRESS USED TO BE PRETTY BASICKS, BUT NOW WIV A BIT OF MODIFICAYSHUN, IT A PRETTY POWAFUL CMS, AN PROBABS TEH MOST USER FRIENDLY ONE AT DAT. ALSO, IF TEH CLIENT NOT GOT A HUGE BUDGET FO A BESPOKES CMS, DEN WORDPRESS IS TEH WAY TO GO RILLEH. (YOO CAN GO UVVA WAYS TOO, LYK EXPRESSION ENGINE, OR JOOMLA (SUCKS), BUT IT UP TO YOO RILLEH)

HOWEVAH, WAT YOU SHUD DO IS TAKE A BLANK THEME, OR A WP SANDBOX TYPE OF TING, AND BUILD TEH FRONT FROM SCRATCH, NOT JUS TAK SUMFING AN CHANGE DE COLOURS AN STUFF. IF TEH CLIENT TINKS DEY GETTN SUMFING PLANNED, DESIGNED AN BUILT, BUT RILLEH YOO JUS DOIN A BIT OF CSS ON SUMFING PRE-BUILT, DATS CHEATIN.

IF DEY ONLY GOTS A LIL MONIES THO, TELL EMS HOW YOO DOIN IT, AN IT’S NOT CHEATINS AT ALL.
IS ALL ABOUT TRANSPARENCY INNIT.

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Anonymous asked: Mister Sprout,

How come nobody asks you questions anymore? Has your well of knowledge dried up or have you just answered ALL the questions?

HAI! AH DUNNO, MEBBES PEEPLS DUN LYK MEH NO MORES. AH CRYS SUMTYMS…

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twistedmouth asked: DEar SProurt
Have you been on holidayt? Where do you goto unwinds?

MAH HOLE LYF IS BOUT UNWINDINZ! SEPT WEN MA MUM LEEVS MEH WIV TEH GINJUR MENS, AH DUN LYK DEM, DEY DO SWEARS.

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Anonymous asked: Master Sprout, I have heard a myth… a mysterious golden rule? what cometh of a designer who knows not of the golden rule?

IS YOU CRAZZY? TEH GOLDEN SEKSHUN?  IS BEEN AROUND FOR LIEK 3000 YEARZ.

1 ~ 1.6180339887 YOO CRAZZY FOO.

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Anonymous asked: I want to look like a graphic designer. Should I wear a cardigan and boat shoes or skinny jeans and wayfarers?

HAI.

I JUS WALK ABOUT WIV NO CLOTHES ON AT ALL, AN AM TEH COOLEST ONE HERE.

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Anonymous asked: Dear Monsieur Sprout

Do you have any advice on creating a client (and dog of course) login for a website?

HAI, SURE DO.

IF YOO WAS DOIN IT ON A STATIC SITE AN BOLTIN ON A PHP / SQL ADMIN SCRIPT, YOO GONNA GET INTO TROUBLES EVENTUALLY. IF YOO USIN A CMS THEN YOO COULD JUS MAKE PRIVATE PAGES, CREATE A USER ACCOUNT FOR DE CLIENT WIF LIMITED PERMISSIONS, AN LET DEM HAVE ACCESS DAT WAY.

IF YOO JUS WANNA LET DEM HAVE ACCESS TO FILES AN PROJECT STUFF, DEN YOO CUD GET A BASECAMP ACCOUNT.

http://basecamphq.com/

OR IF YOU GOTS NO MONIES, TEAMLAB

http://www.teamlab.com/

AN IF YOO WANNA DO SUMFIN REAL COMPLICATED AN BRAINY, YOO CUD HIRE MA FRENZ LEVEL UP.

http://www.thisislevelup.com/

AM NOT JUS A HAIRY PRETTY FACE SEE.